It has come to my attention that I am fading away. Recently I have spent more time with my "friends" and realized that they dont pay attention to me and dont care what I do. A few nights ago I went to the park with some of them, I was very sick that day...nobody cared or asked how I was feeling. Then I started doing things hoping that I would hurt myself (such as jumping off the highest point and landing wrong on purpose)...nobody care, I hurt both of my ankles and knees, and I dislocated my shoulder, but since I'm double jointed in my shoulders I popped it back into place. Then later that night we were sitting on a porch having a conversation, of which I did not join. Later I went for a short walk. I got about a block away and puked then collapsed. I layed there for quite some time, I couldnt move because I hurt myself too badly...my "friends" knew I had collapsed...they didnt care.
Tonight we hung out again...nobody talked to me...I tried to have conversations...but was ignored. After the movie, I gave up on trying and walked away...nobody followed...or asked where I was going.
Perhaps it is time I move on, realize that I cant relate to these people anymore, or that I'm just plain not worth their time. It saddens me because I had hoped we would be "friends" for much longer, but if things continue as they are now we wont be "friends" for long...its as if they have no deeper thought, none of them, all they do is make jokes...jokes are fine...but when do you say "hey, all we do is joke around...ever think that maybe they arent jokes anymore?"....but oh well. You know what I dont give a fuck, I've lived most of my life without friends...I can do it again.
I've considered finding new friends...but as it will be (possibly) my final year in school it will be kinda hard....so I stopped thinking that and decided that if these friendships end I wont have friends.

p.s. I'll be online very rarely for awhile, as I am moving/looking for a new pc/dont care anymore.